


Confession [kənˈfɛʃən]

by Ischa



Series: Selfish love [4]
Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Implied Incest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 08:07:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stefan is tired of the secrets and lies. </p>
<p>  <i>“We didn't lose everything, Damon.”</i><br/><i>“You're right,” Damon answers, “We destroyed it.” Because things didn't just happen to them. They did things, let things happen.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Confession [kənˈfɛʃən]

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by the lovely omletlove. <3  
> I give up, it's so obviously a series. Have it linked.

~1~  
 _acknowledgement; avowal; admission: a confession of incompetence._

As long as Damon can think back (and that is a lie he likes to tell himself) he’s been scheming and Stefan’s been brooding. That is the foundation their relationship as the undead had been formed on. Also, anger and resentment and loss. Sometimes when Damon feels sentimental he would also say love. But when did love do them any good? So it's better not to think about that.  
Damon had been pretty sure, after Katherine, that neither of them would ever fall in love again. Damon's tried, he really did, but a part of him always wanted Katherine back, until he realised that she's a bitch and really not worth his fucking time. And as she wasn't in the picture anymore there was nowhere left to turn?  
You can only delude yourself for so long. Maybe it helped that Stefan hated him, maybe it helped that Stefan had been The Ripper and then in detox for the first part of the 20th century..  
Lately the dynamics are shifting. Damon is brooding way too much and he knows that Stefan is scheming. Maybe trying to piece together those months when they were human and Stefan still thought that Katherine was as well. 

“I don't like this new you,” Damon says and he tries to sound like he doesn't really give a fuck, but he isn't sure he is succeeding. 

“You never were one for change,” Stefan answers. 

“What? I love change,” Damon says. 

“No, you like running away from things and call that a change of skin or whatever, but you don't really like it. You never really tried to change things. You are still hoping we can go back to before.” He puts an emphasis on 'before'. 

“When did you get so fucking perspective?” Damon wants to know. 

“All that brooding? Had to be good for something,” Stefan answers. 

Damon nearly smiles. He is genuinely amused. “Still liked it better when you were brooding all the time and writing creepy love poetry-”

“Don't,” Stefan says. 

“What?” 

“Don't make what I felt, what I feel into a joke,” Stefan answers. 

Damon really doesn't want to have this conversation. He can't have this conversation. He isn't prepared. He -“It's the only way I can handle this,” he says. 

“Damon-”

“No,” Damon answers. 

 

~2~  
 _acknowledgement or disclosure of sin or sinfulness_

“There are things I've done, there are things I want to do-”

“I know,” Stefan interrupts. 

“No, you don't. You have no fucking idea,” Damon answers sharply and he still isn't sure it's a blessing or a curse that Stefan can't remember, won't remember. 

“I had a dream after I drank your blood,” Stefan says softly not looking at him. He is staring at the garden. It's overgrown because they never have time to do something about it and no way in hell can they just hire a kid to do it, not in this house, not in this town.  
Damon had been dreaming about it too. About that night as Stefan pressed his perfect lips to his wrist and then bit down, his fangs piecing Damon's skin, the pain, the pleasure, the perfect moment of bliss and connection. It felt almost holy. 

“Stefan-”

“I know you don't want to hear it. I know, but I'm going to tell you anyway, because you're not going to leave.”  
And he is right. Damon isn't going to leave. They are both so fucking tired of their modus operandi. “I bet you know what I was dreaming about.” 

“The past,” Damon says. 

“The past. I remember things in my dreams. I remember your voice, your lips vibrating against my skin. I remember her laugher.”

Damon remembers a time he would've given Stefan everything Stefan could possibly want, without any hesitation. But back then, the things Stefan wanted were much simpler. “I remember her laugher too.” 

“Does it sound amused, happy or -”

“Cruel,” Damon cuts in. 

“Yes, that is what I remember now too,” Stefan answers.  
Damon remembers the taste of Stefan's sweat on his tongue. Human and intoxicating. He wouldn't taste the same anymore. He isn't the same person he used to be. Not in a way that counts. He remembers the taste of Stefan's blood and knows it would be so much more now. 

“There are pieces missing from that time and I didn't even know they were missing, but you, you knew. You said once she made me forget. What did she make me forget, Damon?” And he does turn around then and he looks angry and determinate. 

“The things I've done,” Damon answers. 

“The things you've done? You've done so many horrible things Damon. You do them because you can. Because you like being a horrible person-”

“I am not and you know better than to play that card anyway, _brother_.” 

“What could be possibly so evil that you didn't even try to-”

“You didn't either. Did you?” 

“I can't! I can't remember!” Stefan explodes. “It's all shadows, like grasping mist. I can feel you beside me, but when did I not? Back then, Damon?” he says. “You, me, her. It was always you, me her.” 

“And then she left and then I left,” Damon says. 

“Yes and I was alone. I was alone.” 

“Until Lexi came along to cure you from who you are,” Damon replies. 

“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Stefan smiles. 

Damon smiles back. “It wasn't. We were a good idea. Her, me, you. We were so good together.” 

“Because she brainwashed me!” Stefan says. 

“She didn't make you love her. That was you.” 

“I- I didn't love her like you did.” 

“But you did love her. Why did you love her?” 

“Because she loved me,” Stefan says shrugging. “Because you did.”

I do, Damon thinks. “Love never did us any good. Look where we are now?” 

“We didn't lose everything, Damon.” 

“You're right,” Damon answers, “We destroyed it.” Because things didn't just happen to them. They did things, let things happen. He did. “I did.” 

 

~3~  
 _a religious denomination or sect united by a common system of beliefs_

“Here,” Stefan says, throwing a journal at Damon's chest. He catches it before it can fall on the ground. 

“More poetry?” Damon asks, with one raised eyebrow. 

“You don't want to tell me anything. I have no idea why, because you should know by now that I can't hate you – not for long at least,” Stefan says. “So there, I am sure you didn't have a look at this one yet.” 

“Your secret diary, Stefan? You really shouldn't have.” 

“Laugh if you want, but this is me.” 

“And you're giving it to me.” 

“Whom else would I give it to?” 

“I don't know, your girlfriend?” 

“Don't,” Stefan says sharply and Damon nods. This is not about Elena, this has never been about Elena, or Katherine. This has always been about them. “We aren't the people we used to be. We aren't even people in the conventional sense. We are something different and we can be-” he stops and Damon waits him out, but Stefan just shakes his head like he has no idea how to finish. Damon wonders how much of his memory he got back after Damon so carelessly let him feed. 

“Whatever we want to be?”

“Yes,” Stefan says. “Human boundaries don't make any sense anymore and their morals don't either.”

“That is what I was preaching for centuries!” 

“For the wrong reasons,” Stefan answers.

Damon's fingers close harder around the leather. “What is this?” 

“My journal. You know my deeply personal thoughts and feelings. You should know by now, as you've read so many of them. As you read them to people, as you made fun of my pain.” 

“You are such a righteous fuck,” Damon says, but he still can't make himself open the book. 

“Aren't we all? We, that we are immortal?” Stefan answers. “Should I read it out loud to you?” 

“I wait for the next blackout, it's handy to have something to look forward to,” Damon answers.  
Stefan doesn't call him out on his bullshit.


End file.
